No More Nights.

My mind is over-indulging itself in a series of complex thoughts and as hard as I’m trying to not over-extend myself…. I know who I am and I know that I’m stumbling over thoughts more than I should be. I wish things were different. That my thoughts made sense and had some sort of fluid motion. I wish I understood my thoughts so that when I get into this mindset, I could control what I’m thinking. It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to delve this deep into who I am and what I want with my life. My inability to let others fully grasp who I am has always been a bit frightening to me, but what scares me the most is my ability to push people away when the going gets tough. It’s funny, when I look back at the last year and realize how much I’ve changed I realize it wasnt really all for the better like I imagined. I thought that time would make myself feel better about the things I had done to hurt myself and others in the past, but it didn't. It just made me forget about it for a while.