i really need to stop. i have a fixation on something that is not healthy and will only satisfy society’s opinion on what is acceptable physically. i have let it consume me for years. i have taken revenge on people who used to “bully” me for it and rubbed my current appearance in their faces and received such an immense amount of satisfaction that i didn’t even recognize myself. it’s not okay. this is not what i should focus my life on. i should not let it dictate my moods. i don’t know what i will do to get out of this rut. i sometimes don’t remember what i used to be passionate about.